Monthly Archives: January 2013

Style No. 65: Insulting

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Some little douchebag dressed like a sack of carrot vomit jams a stupid whistle into his stupid little face as his vacuous intellect attempts to formulate a thought more complex than a subvocalized grunt. His twerp of a friend, whose greasy twig of an arm clings like a chundered noodle to the shoulders of Douche No. 1, casts his beady little eyes toward the crush of moronic vegetables wafting their moronic odor about in the distance and so polluting the atmosphere through the grave offence of their very existence.

Then this wretched skinbag of an old woman lopes by with an outsized goitre dangling from the top of her wretched old head, all wrapped up in a horridly tasteless scarf. Meanwhile, some creepy lout behind them glares lecherously the other way.

What, you expecting an insult? Nah, it’s just a roadside petrol stand in Bamako, Mali (2011).

Style No. 64: Medical

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A paediatric specimen suffering from abnormal iodine-like coloration mistakenly operates his inhaler in reverse, clearly troubled by its failure to mitigate his symptoms. His emergency contact, who through skin-to-skin contact transmits to his companion approximately 8.2 million specimens of assorted bacteria and tropical protozoa, observes the raging health hazard in the distance. An elderly female with a possible depressive disorder (subtype unknown) passes by with an abnormal growth protruding from the top of the skull bandaged in some sort of coloured gauze. Meanwhile, behind these patients an adult male possibly experiencing a dissociative episode looks the other way in a manner that cannot be characterized until further tests are performed.

This benign growth was removed from the headscarf of the adult female patient.

This benign growth was removed from the headscarf of the adult female patient.

Style No. 63: Botanical

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A blooming marigold rustles in the wind, air whistling through its fragrant petals. It is absorbed in its own flowerness, contemplating xylem and phloem. A neighbouring flower, whose creeping shoots curl around the marigold’s stem, points its stamens toward the bustling forest in the distance.

Adjacent to them, a squat and ragged shrub conceals its berries in its upper foliage. Meanwhile, behind them a crooked birch peels gravely and leans knowingly the other way.

Periyar National Park, Kerala, India. Clicked this in 2011.

Periyar National Park, Kerala, India. Clicked this in 2011.

 

Style No. 62: Opposite

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A naked old man sucks a noiseless ball of wool, completely aware of his surroundings in the moment. His mortal enemy, whose arms were lost in a tragic yogurt accident, shuts his eyes and ignores the solitary figure in the foreground. An elated girl stands motionless displaying a common thing beneath her bare feet. At a different time, in front of them a gleeful boy abstains from fatuously gazing in their direction.

A young boy with an exposed neck walks behind an empty meat cart. Delhi, India, 2012.

A young boy with an exposed neck walks behind an empty meat cart. Delhi, India, 2012.

Style No. 61: Proper Nouns

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Two new Jacks dressed like Fantas stood on Gandhi Road and Louis Armstronged a whistle. One was swept up in the Harmattan of his imagination, while the other was James Bonding the folks at the Mela in the distance, his arm Krazy Glued around his friend. Just then, a lay Mother Teresa who’d forgotten her Xanax passed by with a Secret Service package hidden under a Kashmir shawl on her head. Meanwhile, behind them a shady Schopenhauer looked the other way with Schlauheit.

Lungta blowing at Tso Pema, Himachal Pradesh, India (2012).

Lungta blowing at Tso Pema, Himachal Pradesh, India (2012).

Style No. 60: In Front In Back

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In front of a great crowd a young boy whistles while in the back of his mind dark thoughts consume his imagination. He wears a t-shirt that is orange in the front and orange in the back. His best friend — whose eyes face the front and evaluate the crowd, and whose arm wraps around the whistler’s back — notices an old woman passing nervously from the back toward the front. She has a hidden object on the front of her head concealed by a shawl draped over her back. Meanwhile, in the back an odd man looks knowingly toward the front.

A goat approaches from the back and heads toward the front. Bamako, Mali, 2012.

Style No. 59: Parts of Speech

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Articles: a, the.

Nouns: boy, whistle, thought, friend, arm, crowd, distance, grandmother, object, shawl, head, man, way.

Adjectives: young, orange, deep, best, wrapped, nervous, secret, serious, other.

Verbs: blow, wrap, eye, pass, hide, look.

Pronouns: his, him, her, them.

Adverbs: knowingly.

Prepositions: in, around, by, beneath, on, behind.

Conjunctions: Meanwhile.

Nouns: Gowlland Tod Park, Victoria, BC.

Nouns: Gowlland Tod Park, Victoria, BC.